The Apology Blog

2008-11-23T11:14:00.002-05:00

if this still works I want to say i'm sorry for you invading my life when i wasn't ready for you;

i'm sorry for all the times that i couldn't speek and for those that will come and will be silence;

i'm sorry that i'm younger and i want to act like that;

i'm sorry if i don't like all your mouvies and if i spoil your enthusiast when you talk about them;

i'm sorry if i want to say that i care about you and you don't want to hear it;

i'm soryy if you have fears so deep that they became a way of living and you don't realise that anymore;

i'm sorry if i'm not special for my actions but for may soul;

i;m sorry that my life isn't spectacular and it's its ordinary that i like;

i'm sorry if you are able to show only in time of crysis;

i'm sorry that you have been hurt by your love;

i'm sorry if you have problems;

i'm sorry but i don't want to change;

i'm sorry but i lied: i don't try anymore, i just expect things to happen.

cristina

2008-11-23T11:13:00.001-05:00

I am sorry for: using bad judgement, suffering from bi-polar disorder, drinking to the point of oblivion, hating myself, using sex as a way to get attention, betraying trusts, lying, minimizing friendships, dating the bad guys and ignoring the good ones. Specifically I am apologize to JG, SJ, KR, JC, SS, JW, TW. Forgive me.

2008-04-25T19:42:00.001-05:00

i'm sorry i'm not her, i'm sorry you had to leave her and go to school, i'll never be her, i won' t argue with you i won't yell at you for no reason, i'm not the mother of your son, i'm sorry. I'm sorry i'm not a virgin either, i'm sorry that i had sex with five people in four years of my life before i met you. I don't understand why you sit there and are upset with my actions when you are the one who had a child at the age of seventeen. I don't know how to tell you how much i fear you will leave me for her one day. I know you still talk to her all sweet too. she calls you baby, what do you call her? i feel as if i'm the homewrecker, i appologize for this , even though you two were broken up way before i even met you, or so i thought. I dont' know how to tell you this enough. i think i love you, but i dont know as of lately i don't feel that love, maybe i don't, i'm doing all this apologizing but i think you should be the one apologizing to me... you should tell me you're sorry for bringing me into your chaotic life. i feel like i'm twisted and tied in knots, my stomache erks with thoughts of you leaving me for her, you leaving me for what you used to have, i just don't know if i want to do this any more, i'm sorry i truely am.

elena

2008-04-10T15:21:00.005-05:00

Hello. I apologize for this not being an apology but ...

I am walking with the Viacom / MTVN team in this year's AIDS WALK on May 18.

Last year because of your generosity I was able to raise almost $2400 for our team who in turn donated a total of $37,000.

So, let's keep this going. This year my personal goal is $3000. Yeah, I know - sort of crazy, but I think we can do this.

You can sponsor my walk two ways - either by Sponsoring A Walker (follow instructions below):

1. Go to www.aidswalk.net

2. Click on New York

3. Sponsor A Walker

4. Type Caroline O'Hare

Or you can go directly to my homepage:http://aidswalknewyork2008.kintera.org/carolinenyc

If you can, please join us on May 18 in Central Park.

Thank you for helping support the GMHC.

Caroline & The Apology Blog

2008-03-18T11:58:00.000-05:00

Caitlin,

I'm sorry. I don't even know where to begin. I'm sorry I built a wall between us. I'm sorry that I crawl into myself and refuse to come out. I'm sorry I'm never there when you need me. I'm sorry for every lie I've ever told you, and every truth I dared not utter. I'm sorry I disappoint you. I'm sorry I haven't been everything you want me to be. I'm sorry I betrayed your trust. I'm sorry for every other person I've ever been physical with. I'm sorry for her. I'm sorry for my insecurities, and how they manifested. I am so very sorry for every time I've killed you, for every wound I've caused. It hurts me to think about, but if I could double my pain to ease yours, I would gladly. Living without you would hollow my heart, but if it's what will make you whole again, I accept. I hope, however, that the thing that will make you whole is my love. I can be the man you deserve. I know I can.

I'm sorry.

--- Justin

2007-06-22T23:02:00.000-05:00

I PUSHED YOU INTO THE DOOR ON PURPOSE. SORRY. IT WAS RUDE OF ME. YOU WERE MAYBE SOMEONES MOTHER AND PUSHING WOMEN IS NOT FAIR.

2007-06-22T23:00:00.000-05:00

You want to eat me out my pussy and I hate the idea. This upsets you and I am sorry I cannot change.

2007-06-22T22:58:00.000-05:00

Cheating comes naturally for me - it's the skin I wear. Should I apologize for who I am or for who you wanted me to be? I can't. It does not seem right.

2007-06-14T16:34:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry that I fail in trying to be too many things at the same time. I simply have no other choice. I'm sorry that I overwelm you with my need for affection, and spill my frustrations over you. I wish I could stop myself and be a better girlfriend........

2007-06-06T13:14:00.000-05:00

I am sorry that I destroyed the beauty you thought I was
and turned it into the hideous you know I am.

2007-04-22T17:16:00.000-05:00

Person 1: I'm sorry I don't feel the same way as you. As much as I love the idea of being with you, it is just that, I love the idea of love, not you.

Person 2: I'm sorry I fuck things up for us all the time. I love you so much and I know I can never tell you that which makes me a bit crazy. I hope you find someone who makes you as happy as you make me feel.

I'm also sorry to anyone who I have made feel like crap. So so sorry.

2007-04-20T10:03:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I can't be in your movie, Ian.

2007-04-20T10:00:00.000-05:00

BASICALLY I WANT TO SAY I'M SORRY TO SANDY FOR CHOOSING A MALE PRO WRESTLER OVER HER AND TELLING HER THAT BANKING IS BORING!!!
--- Adam

MTV is casting for an new True Life show - check it out!

2007-04-19T16:53:00.000-05:00

MTV True Life: I’m So Sorry

Are you ready to apologize? Have you wronged a friend, family member or loved one and are ready to come clean and ask for forgiveness? Have you been cheating on your significant other, stealing from your job or lying to your parents and can no longer handle the guilt? Or have you ruined a relationship and want to try to patch things up? What length are you willing to go to in order to make amends with someone you’ve wronged? If you’ll do anything to make things right, MTV wants to hear from you.

If you appear to be between the ages of 16 and 28, and want to say you’re sorry, email me at: helene.sherr@mtvstaff.com with your story.

Please be sure to include your name, location, phone number and photo, if possible.

2007-04-12T12:11:00.002-05:00

To Michelle, the girl whom I've met while separately waiting for our friends to show up during Friday's (4/6) show of The Apologies. You were a friend of a friend who starred in the show, I think his name is Matt.

I am sorry that we didn't finish our conversation as promised. I am sorry that I didn't come up to you after the show and talk to you and too quickly left with my friend who was late. I am sorry I didn't offer to save you and your friend a seat so I have an excuse to talk to you. I am sorry that I was too shy to ask for your number. I am sorry for this missed opportunity because I'll forever think to myself "what if".

--- Felix

2007-04-12T12:11:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner that you are completely full of yourself.
--- Brick

2007-04-12T12:09:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry that I dribbled a basketball on a caterpillar and made its internal organs squirt out its posterior end.

2007-04-12T12:09:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry that I was late.

2007-04-12T12:07:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I slept through the play.
--- Henrietta

2007-04-12T12:04:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry to myself for not giving a shit about shit I should have.
*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

2007-04-12T12:03:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I use the word "DUDE" with such frequency. Also "YO".
--- Josh
*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

2007-04-12T12:01:00.002-05:00

Sorry for puposely avoiding you when I come to visit, mom & dad ...
*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

2007-04-12T12:01:00.001-05:00

I am so sorry I came with this girl.
--- "Chris"
*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

2007-04-12T11:59:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry that I get paid money to make kids cry & that I laugh when they do.
I'm sorry that Matt Sears crashed his car when I made him take me to see Bride of Chucky in college.
--- Lucy
*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

2007-04-12T11:58:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I have to watch porno to have sex with you, Missy.
--- Mike Lane
*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

2007-04-12T11:56:00.000-05:00

I'm (sorry) apologize to the something that told me what I'm to be - for not being that yet. And consequently (-and not consequently) I have not given enough of myself to others
*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

2007-04-12T11:48:00.002-05:00

I am sorry when I lose my patience and snap at the person(s) I am speaking with and end up upsetting them.
*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

2007-04-12T11:48:00.001-05:00

To my mom. I make her cry too often.
*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07

2007-04-12T11:42:00.000-05:00

Kevin -
I'm sorry I overreacted and asked you if you are a sterotypical L.A. person. I wish you would forgive me. I know you have a great heart and amazing spirit. My fears got in the way.
--- Cheri
*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

2007-04-12T11:05:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I stuck a bottle of BAN deoderant up my cooch ~ But hey, everyone has to learn the value of quality sex toys somehow!
*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

2007-04-12T11:03:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I chased you down the street with a knife - you and your friends were so mean to me, and I just wanted to be like the other girls on the street.
*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

2007-04-12T11:01:00.000-05:00

I am sorry for whatever non-biodegradable detergent choices I made as a young mom who wasked loads of diapers for both Jer & Timothy (and their 4 brothers) who all were bit by the theater bug! Ther's no known cure!
--- Jane Mather
*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

2007-04-12T10:59:00.000-05:00

Kelly,
I'm sorry I only want to get your boyfriend high.
Casey
*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

2007-04-12T10:56:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I'm too often negative & inflexible.
*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

2007-04-06T11:20:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I took a dump in Greg Gumbel's greenroom toilet at CBS Sports and didn't flush twice.

*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

2007-04-06T11:18:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry today turned out bad & we didn't get to shop for engagement rings.

*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

2007-04-06T11:16:00.000-05:00

Dear Miles,
I am sorry I said Usman could sleep over. I didn't think about how crazy tonight would be. I shouldn't have said yes then no.

*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

2007-04-06T11:08:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry for hiding your shoes.

2007-04-06T11:04:00.000-05:00

Dear Reggie - I'm sorry I trusted you... also, I'm sorry I told you to trade in your car for a minivan.

Dear Marcelo - I'm sorry you were still in the closet while we dated.

Dear Scott - I'm sorry I was going thru a "selfish stage".

I'm sorry ex-boyfriends. You sucked. I sucked. We're even.

XO,
Veronica

2007-04-06T11:03:00.000-05:00

I'm so sorry the condom broke : (
--- Stan

2007-04-06T11:01:00.002-05:00

I AM SORRY THAT MADONNA'S LAWYERS ARE SO POWERFUL!
--- FERNANDO

2007-04-06T11:01:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry my breath smells like onions.

2007-04-06T11:00:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry my sorry is too obvious to actually write out.

2007-04-06T10:58:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry for cheating on you. Sort of. I guess I didn't like it when it happened to me. So, I'm sorry really for the way I made you feel - not for cheating.

2007-04-06T10:57:00.000-05:00

Not wear underwear when I should have.

*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

2007-04-06T10:55:00.000-05:00

I apologize to my glorious self for not listening to her well & trusting her fully & showering her with love & treats.

2007-04-06T10:53:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry but I can't see you anymore. You're too hairy. One bush is enough!
--- (female)

2007-04-06T10:52:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry you have a brain the size of a pea!

2007-04-06T10:50:00.000-05:00

When I was in college, I got drunk at my friend's party & when no one was around I stole a Grateful Dead poster and stuffed it in my jacket. When I got home it was crumpled and ruined so I threw it away. I'm sorry.

2007-04-06T10:48:00.000-05:00

Elizabeth,
Sorry for being a big pain in the ass.
Love,
William

*Submitted and read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

2007-04-06T10:46:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry that my son had a chopstick in his eye for 18 months and I didn't know it. (He had it removed last week & he's fine.)
--- Mom

2007-04-06T10:44:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I evened the score.
I'm sorry that I love him.
I'm sorry that I slept with your boyfriend while you slept in the next room.
I'm sorry that we made love in your bed.
I'm sorry. We all deserve better.

2007-04-06T10:43:00.000-05:00

Sorry I'm so tired - I work in publishing.
--- Jay

2007-04-06T10:40:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry that you sat on me, all 300 pounds of you. I would have moved. I know you are blind. I am sorry to have seen you on the LIRR watching your video iPod. I thought you were blind. So sorry.

2007-04-03T19:20:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I couldn't come to your show tonight. I wanted to, I really did, but I'm still sorry I went to the last one. Not that it was bad, not at all. It was actually really great. What I'm sorry about is that I believed, when I heard your lead actress quote things I had actually said to you in real life, that the play was about you and me. I'm sorry I believed that when the lead actor didn't walk out on the relationship, when he stayed despite his terror, I believed it meant you were going to stay, too. I'm sorry I read too much into things.

I know you've got the friend in town anyway, the married one who needs you to lead him into the night toward what will be for him some kind of simulated debauchery. A drunken night out with a (technically) single guy like yourself, in Manhattan, is, for the married suburb dwellers, satisfying. But I wonder if it will be a tease, ya know? Will he return home and waste time feeling sorry for himself, wishing there were more nights like that? Will he return home and apologize, silently, to his wife for thinking such things? Or will he realize that nights out in New York City with a (technically) single guy like yourself are fun, but only for a minute? Will he end up feeling sorry for you?

My only advice for your night is this: While I know you want to show him a good time, don't slip him acid in the form of a post-meal breath mint. Remember when you did that to me? In Queens? You worried you might have to apologize to me then, but I was thrilled. It was the first truly spring-like day of the season, and we ate stinky street food and you gave me a mint, laced with LSD. Once I realized I was tripping, you took me to Roosevelt Island. There were Cherry Blossoms bursting, and we walked down the boulevard of blooms together. Our destination? Creepy abandoned insane asylum. I felt like an acid bride on her way to a haunted house honeymoon. How fitting.

I am not sorry you drugged me. I am only sorry that the day, where we were suspended in a drug-induced bliss of believing it would last forever, ever had to end.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

2007-04-03T17:27:00.001-05:00

Donald

I'm so sorry i couldn't love you the way you wanted me to. I lost my chance, and you moved on. We are very compatible in so many ways, and i miss having you around. I'm sorry i told you no. I'm sorry i hurt you so much.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

2007-04-01T17:22:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I really want to see clown burlesque.

*Submitted and read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

2007-04-01T17:17:00.000-05:00

I'm so sorry. I hate the way I get around him. But he drives me insane.
--- Mary

*Submitted and read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

2007-03-31T10:21:00.000-05:00

There is no sorry to be sorry for.

*Submitted and read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

2007-03-30T00:45:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry my husband has a such a small penis.
No, wait ... I'm no longer married to him. I take that back. I'm sorry for his new girlfriend.

*Submitted at and read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

2007-03-30T00:14:00.000-05:00

I am sorry for not properly saying goodbye when I moved out & for leaving you a whole year's worth of NY Times newspapers to take to recycling. And I'm sorry for inflicting my pain in the ass boyfriend on you all year (and for having to endure yours).

*Submitted at and read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

2007-03-30T00:13:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I flew all the way from L.A. to see this shitty show.
-- Scot

*Submitted at and read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

2007-03-30T00:12:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I think I'm fat.
-- Helga

*Submitted at and read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

2007-03-30T00:11:00.000-05:00

I am sorry I'm not excited about my mom's remarriage.

*Submitted at and read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

2007-03-30T00:10:00.000-05:00

I apologize sincerely, deeply, GUT-WRENCHINGLY that I did not vote in 2000.

*Submitted at and read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

2007-03-27T11:39:00.000-05:00

I feel that I can't control my emotions and I lash out at you often. You are the one person who has remained by me and said I love you - but even with that I continue to push you away. I get angry and then embarrassed and then even more upset because I'm 'this way'. Not sure why you stay. Not sure what I would do without you. You would be better off without me, with someone who actually made you feel like a good person - but I won't leave you. I can't. I'm selfish. I need you so badly, but apparently not enough to stop fighting.

I'm sorry.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

2007-03-26T16:03:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry for offering you my wiener.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

2007-03-24T16:07:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry that I told you things would be ok...that you weren't over reacting and that at some point he would turn around. I'm sorry that I kept telling you it was his fault and not yours....I'm sorry that I agreed with you when you said its not you that he doesn't want its that he cant have a relationship. I'm sorry because he may be cuter then you and I am really sorry that I agreed with you that his Ex's were ugly because that was a lie. I'm sorry that I gossiped about it and we all laughed about how dumb you were because you can't see that men walk all over you and you like it. I'm sorry that I didn't say sooner that you need to grow a pair and maybe look at the inside of a person instead of the outside because inevitably the pretty ones will always break your heart.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

2007-03-23T10:22:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry, black people, for the way some white people have treated you.
I apologize to the descendants of slaves for the terrible way your anscestors were treated, and for the effect it had on subsequent generations of your family.
And I apologize for Jim Crow.
I hope some day soon we can move forward from here as members of the HUMAN race.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

2007-03-22T20:58:00.000-05:00

I dropped a bench on your foot in elementary school while we were moving it across the room for a party. It slipped and a leg slammed down on your toe. There was blood everywhere - no idea how it did so much damage. I ran away crying I felt so bad. Later your friend James found me and offered me some cake. He told me you were okay. And you were.

I still feel quite bad about this moment that probably no one remembers but me. I'm sorry.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

2007-03-22T20:56:00.000-05:00

Sorry I fucked your roommate. He was nicer to me though and better looking.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

2007-03-22T20:53:00.000-05:00

Sorry for saying sorry all the time. It makes the word less valuable and has now become just some sort of automatic response like, "How are you?" as you pass someone in the hall - not stopping to hear the answer.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

2007-03-22T20:51:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I didn't tell you why I broke up with you. I was a coward. Still am.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

2007-03-22T13:26:00.000-05:00

To a roomate I still sadly hate.

Before you told me you were moving out, I planned to inject small amounts of urine into your mattress once or twice a week. My hope was that the smell would slowly arise over a matter of months. I hated you so much, but something stopped me from doing this to you.

I'm sorry for almost taking it that far. I guess I could say that you brought that type of behaviour out of me - but I think I can be pretty shitty at times. So, I'm sorry.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

2007-03-20T15:57:00.000-05:00

Dear Step Mother,

When I was 12, you pissed me off and I did things that I regret. One day I got so mad at you that I snuck into your bathroom and poured melted butter into your foundation to make your face break out. I am also sorry that I poured rubbing alcohol into your contact solution. I regret these things so very much, because if I had only known that you were sleeping with my father's best friend, I would have done far worse.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

2007-03-20T10:54:00.000-05:00

Hello self, you could have been more.
Sorry I let you down. I went for sex, drugs, and hair metal instead of books and shit. Now i'm strungout, overweight, and lonely.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

2007-03-20T10:53:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I get jealous when I see pictures of you with guys that aren't me.
I can't help it, I'm a man, direct descendant of a cave dweller. My troglodytic jealous flares up and all goes blurry.. and red... I apologize, but I am taking steps to not be so typically male.

Please try to make one small concession for me though, and show me pics of you with other girls instead?

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

2007-03-20T10:51:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry Hallmark corporation, for being one of the mindless devotees to your product. Ooh how cute! A fuzzy bunny card for easter! Much better than the Mel Gibson bleeding Christ box of chocolates! I coo and coddle over each new fabricated holidays' paper greetings, as if a phone call or a personal visit weren't enough.

I am sorry forbelieving in you, and keeping you in business.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

2007-03-20T10:51:00.001-05:00

if there is one apology in the world it's this one for me.
i'm sorry for not trying to make it better than it could have been, and for trying to make it more than it was. you'll always be that one that got away, and i couldn't wish for you closer.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

2007-03-20T10:50:00.000-05:00

Damn, i'm so sorry i told you I liked your band. I was underpressure, had too much to drink, no, fuck that. i just straight lied to you man. take it like it was meant. your band is awful. i'd rather listen to new country. sorry i was shifty about it. i should have just told you instead of being fake like everyone else. well fuck it i say, i'm no longer like them all. i just told you how it is..... in an email

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

2007-03-20T10:49:00.000-05:00

Hey Geordie, it's been awhile. Hopefully you'll actually read thisunlike the last 4 emails, 2 pieces of certified post, and 1 skywritingescapade. I wanted to tell you first off, that i seem to be cured, andsecondly how truly sorry i am. If i had known she was your Aunt, iwouldn't have looked at her that way, i swear. I know, it may seemempty, considering what happened betwixt your sister and I, but youknow as well as I do that most cultures consider her extremeflexibility an open invitation to the carnal carnival. at any rate,i'm sorry, my doctor and my priest seemed to have cured me of myproblems. i hope to see you in church, please give my best (no notlike that.. again) to your mother Beatrice, she was/is a trulyoutperforming woman.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

2007-03-20T10:47:00.000-05:00

I'm an apology addict. Case in point: one time I said "Oh my God, I'm so sorry" to a friend when I interrupted our conversation by sneezing. As I'm sure you're aware, this sorry-excuse for a "sorry" and others like it taint bigger, more serious "sorries." Luckily, I have come up with a solution to my problem. Instead of saying "sorry" after small mishaps or things beyond my control, which I have no buisness saying "sorry" for anyway, I now say, "kittens." You can't not smile when you either say or hear the word "kittens." Go ahead. Try it. You'll thank me later. (But if it doesn't work...kittens!)

--Claudia

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

2007-03-20T10:46:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry that I told all of the deacons in the church that you were gay. I'm sure they already knew, but coming from your wife, man...that's confirmation.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

2007-03-19T08:39:00.000-05:00

Terry, when we were both 12, you used to terrorize our neighborhood as the self-proclaimed Bully of 56th Street. Remember that? I sure do. And remember that day I'd had enough and decided to take a swing at ya to stop all the fighting? Yeah, well, I was 12 and less adept at face-punching than you were--if you'll recall, as I'm sure you do every day when you look in the mirror, instead of a nice clean pop on the cheek, I managed to just swipe your eyeball with my fingernail, leaving you with a bleeding, and very scratched cornea. I'm sorry about that, Terry. I really am. I wish to this day that I had actually clobbered you properly. It was my first punch, you see, and it's a missed opportunity that haunts me still. Seems to me that things were different after that. You calmed down a little, maybe you even moved away. I stopped noticing. But, I hope you learned your lesson that day, Terry. There were a lot of frightened little kiddies who dreaded that walk to the bus because of you and your reign of terror as the Bully of 56th Street. Anyway, I sure hope you're sorry.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

2007-03-16T10:07:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry for lying every single day. I do it for work, in an attempt to fit in among the people with whom I am forced to network, but it makes my stomach drop every time. I hope it doesn't make me able to lie as easily in other areas of my life. So to all the people to whom I've said that I do or don't watch a particular show they want to talk about, or who have heard me acknowledge the greatness of a book I've never read, or to whom I've said the words, "I know; I just love Maroon 5!"--I'm sorry.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

2007-03-02T18:36:00.001-05:00

sometime last month, but six years ago last month, you phoned me and i didn't return your call. it was my last chance to make a difference - a difference to you.

did you feel that no one would understand? did you think that i wasn't someone you could come to with your worries or saddness or frustrations about the way your life was working out? did you phone a lot of people that month or the months before and did none of them return your call? did any of them understand?

it's frightening to think that you were left alone with your choice and no one knew what you were going through. i am so thankful for the time that you spent in my life and i wish i would have let you know that. you helped me so much as my doctor but i didn't return the favour. if i'd have returned you call it might have made a difference, i could have returned the favour, and maybe you wouldn't have made the choice you did and end your life.

i'm still sorry, six years later, and i don't know how or when i'll learn to stop being sorry for something i might not have been able to change. it's the 'might' that torments me, and it's the 'might' that keeps me sorry.

2007-03-01T14:18:00.000-05:00

Dear Betsey the chicken,

When we bought the farmhouse in 1993, all the otherbuildings on the property, including your chicken coop,became ours. Because the previous owners were unwillingshove you in a pet carrier for the long drive up to Vermont,you, like your coop, became ours. It must have been hard tobe passed onto our family, treated like the old tools leftin the barn. Although my mother, who rejoices in St Francis,would talk to you and pet you, I ignored you completely. Asa self-centered 13-year-old, I could only find it in myheart to hate you, and for this I apologize.

I was so embarrassed of you because, even though SouthWindsor, CT is a rural town, the “livestock” peopleowned were more along the lines of Golden Retrievers andbeta fish. Instead of rejoicing in your uniqueness as a pet,I thought having a chicken was “lame and stupid.” Whatdo we need a chicken for when there’s a Stop-and-Shop inthe town center?! I protested to my parents.

When the kids on the bus called me “Chicken Girl,” Ishould have defended you. But at the time all I did wasglare as I marched down the driveway before slamming thescreen door to the house.

I’m not sure if you knew, since you never saw the insideof the house, but I also refused to eat your eggs. Althoughmy mother swore they were the most delicious (and obviouslymost fresh) eggs that had ever touched Teflon, I would skewup my face at the thought of something that came from yourbutt.

Now, I know you were just living your chicken life the onlyway you could. You never did anything to purposely embarrassme and I’m sorry I not only rejected YOU, but the wholeidea of chickenness. And like the honorable beast you were,you went on laying a single egg every morning, never showingthe deep hurt I inflicted upon you.

So, Betsey, I’m sorry. I would give anything to watch youbobbing for grubs in our backyard or to hold one of yourbutt-warm eggs in my hands again. I hope you’ve got a nicecoop up in Heaven.

Love,
Catherine
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

2007-02-28T13:26:00.001-05:00

I'm so sorry. I hit a squirrel on my way to work this morning. I was driving (not fast), it ran out into the road and I couldn't react in time to avoid it. The noise I heard was horrible. I looked in my rear view mirror, unbelievably it ran off the street to a bushy area. I couldn't go back, what would I do? I kept driving. I am sorry and I feel horrible. Yes, it was a squirrel - but a life just the same.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

2007-02-28T13:25:00.001-05:00

I am sorry that six years was too long for me to wait. You were only other person in that shit storm of a city to have plans and they were different from mine. They would have put us apart for six years; and that was more time than I could even fathom then. That Halloween, the first one we were apart, me in a new place, you left behind, I went to a party with Daniel because I liked him. It was confusing. He wasn't better than you, he was just there and you wouldn't be for such a long time, maybe not ever, really, because how could we know? I didn't believe in discussing the future then, and maybe that was a mistake. Maybe I was taking you too lightly, and I'm sorry for that too. It certainly wasn't about him. I wasn't fooled by his waxing poetic and childhood in Portugal. I had ten times more respect for your calloused hands and quiet fortitude. You never had a sob story to tell, and I don't think they make people as strong as you anymore. I never slept with him. Ever. Not even after you and I ended things over the phone. (And I'm sorry it was over the phone.) I'm sorry the next time I saw you I cried and you hugged me. And that I was so nervous to be near you again I ate the birdseed we never fed to the birds. I'm sorry I didn't give you money for the birdseed. It looked expensive. It tasted horrible.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

2007-02-28T13:21:00.000-05:00

a pink balloon.

an old fashioned ice cream shop. a new friend. a different town.

there was no connection between them, except for the pink balloon.

i don't remember what color i picked out. i do remember the big mass ofcolor and light floating up until i could only squint to try and seethem.

i'm not sure how long i stared at that small, blank white card.

you could say anything.

what did i say? i said, "i'm sorry.

"for what? i don't know. for everything.

i am so attached to those two words. they are so attached to me. i'mnot sure i'll ever be able to let them go.

i could have told her anything. those were my last words. to her.

"i'm sorry."

for a split second, as i watched the plume of balloons slowly rising toeternal freedom, i felt my heart get lighter and higher. like theballoons.

those moments are rare.

i saw a pink balloon and it reminded me of her.

and that brief, rare moment i am always hoping will come back. nexttime i want to catch it and keep it in my pocket.

especially for those days when i don't see pink balloons.

2007-02-28T13:18:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry that the same word I use about banana chocolate chip pancakes--"I love banana chocolate chip pancakes!"--is the only word I have at my disposal to describe how I feel about you.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

2007-01-30T10:38:00.000-05:00

Mum,

I’m sorry I shouted at you.

I know that in my 32 years I have never shouted like that before.
I know that it was a simple misunderstanding that was quickly resolved.
I know that I apologised to you already

I still feel guilty about it.

I’m sorry I shouted at you.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

2007-01-25T21:30:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry that I couldn't find a way to communicate how I was feeling, that I couldn't find a way past your awkardness to speak to your heart. I'm sorry that the mistakes you made changed everything and ended this before it began. I'm sorry that you don't see why this happened but see this as my personal character flaws and accept no responsibility for your own issues and actions.

Blame no one.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

2007-01-17T18:16:00.003-05:00

I'm sorry but I still think of my ex-lover when we are having sex.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

2007-01-17T18:16:00.001-05:00

Dad, I'm sorry I took your Vicodin. I am weak.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

2007-01-17T18:15:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry that I let you talk to me that way.

I'm not sorry that I told your family you were dealing drugs and putting our kids in danger.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

2007-01-16T20:30:00.000-05:00

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am sorry for getting so deep into drugs and cutting my wrists over and over, trying to escape. I am sorry that you ever thought my selfishness and immaturity was a reflection of your parenting. I am sorry that I made you suffer along with me as I hit rock bottom. I am sorry you ever thought that any part of it was your faults. I am sorry I don't have the balls to actually say these things out loud to you, but I don't think I can bear to make you cry ever again.

luv emily

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

2007-01-16T09:46:00.001-05:00

I am so sorry that I blew you off. I know you tried, but my feet were cold.
I am also sorry about the Ryan thing, I guess I was bored.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

2007-01-15T20:40:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry to myself that I ever met you.
Your apology is a broken, empty, time beaten statement that holds no sincerity or validity on account of your actions that followed after the declaration.
I hate you because I love you.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

2007-01-11T12:20:00.000-05:00

i'm sorry i tried to care about you, because you obviously don't care about anyone or anything but yourself.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*