There is no sorry to be sorry for.

*Submitted and read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

I'm sorry my husband has a such a small penis.
No, wait ... I'm no longer married to him. I take that back. I'm sorry for his new girlfriend.

*Submitted at and read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I am sorry for not properly saying goodbye when I moved out & for leaving you a whole year's worth of NY Times newspapers to take to recycling. And I'm sorry for inflicting my pain in the ass boyfriend on you all year (and for having to endure yours).

*Submitted at and read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I'm sorry I flew all the way from L.A. to see this shitty show.
-- Scot

*Submitted at and read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I'm sorry I think I'm fat.
-- Helga

*Submitted at and read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I am sorry I'm not excited about my mom's remarriage.

*Submitted at and read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I apologize sincerely, deeply, GUT-WRENCHINGLY that I did not vote in 2000.

*Submitted at and read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I feel that I can't control my emotions and I lash out at you often. You are the one person who has remained by me and said I love you - but even with that I continue to push you away. I get angry and then embarrassed and then even more upset because I'm 'this way'. Not sure why you stay. Not sure what I would do without you. You would be better off without me, with someone who actually made you feel like a good person - but I won't leave you. I can't. I'm selfish. I need you so badly, but apparently not enough to stop fighting.

I'm sorry.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

I'm sorry for offering you my wiener.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I'm sorry that I told you things would be ok...that you weren't over reacting and that at some point he would turn around. I'm sorry that I kept telling you it was his fault and not yours....I'm sorry that I agreed with you when you said its not you that he doesn't want its that he cant have a relationship. I'm sorry because he may be cuter then you and I am really sorry that I agreed with you that his Ex's were ugly because that was a lie. I'm sorry that I gossiped about it and we all laughed about how dumb you were because you can't see that men walk all over you and you like it. I'm sorry that I didn't say sooner that you need to grow a pair and maybe look at the inside of a person instead of the outside because inevitably the pretty ones will always break your heart.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

I'm sorry, black people, for the way some white people have treated you.
I apologize to the descendants of slaves for the terrible way your anscestors were treated, and for the effect it had on subsequent generations of your family.
And I apologize for Jim Crow.
I hope some day soon we can move forward from here as members of the HUMAN race.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

I dropped a bench on your foot in elementary school while we were moving it across the room for a party. It slipped and a leg slammed down on your toe. There was blood everywhere - no idea how it did so much damage. I ran away crying I felt so bad. Later your friend James found me and offered me some cake. He told me you were okay. And you were.

I still feel quite bad about this moment that probably no one remembers but me. I'm sorry.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

Sorry I fucked your roommate. He was nicer to me though and better looking.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

Sorry for saying sorry all the time. It makes the word less valuable and has now become just some sort of automatic response like, "How are you?" as you pass someone in the hall - not stopping to hear the answer.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

I'm sorry I didn't tell you why I broke up with you. I was a coward. Still am.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

To a roomate I still sadly hate.

Before you told me you were moving out, I planned to inject small amounts of urine into your mattress once or twice a week. My hope was that the smell would slowly arise over a matter of months. I hated you so much, but something stopped me from doing this to you.

I'm sorry for almost taking it that far. I guess I could say that you brought that type of behaviour out of me - but I think I can be pretty shitty at times. So, I'm sorry.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

Dear Step Mother,

When I was 12, you pissed me off and I did things that I regret. One day I got so mad at you that I snuck into your bathroom and poured melted butter into your foundation to make your face break out. I am also sorry that I poured rubbing alcohol into your contact solution. I regret these things so very much, because if I had only known that you were sleeping with my father's best friend, I would have done far worse.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

Hello self, you could have been more.
Sorry I let you down. I went for sex, drugs, and hair metal instead of books and shit. Now i'm strungout, overweight, and lonely.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I'm sorry I get jealous when I see pictures of you with guys that aren't me.
I can't help it, I'm a man, direct descendant of a cave dweller. My troglodytic jealous flares up and all goes blurry.. and red... I apologize, but I am taking steps to not be so typically male.

Please try to make one small concession for me though, and show me pics of you with other girls instead?

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

I'm sorry Hallmark corporation, for being one of the mindless devotees to your product. Ooh how cute! A fuzzy bunny card for easter! Much better than the Mel Gibson bleeding Christ box of chocolates! I coo and coddle over each new fabricated holidays' paper greetings, as if a phone call or a personal visit weren't enough.

I am sorry forbelieving in you, and keeping you in business.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

if there is one apology in the world it's this one for me.
i'm sorry for not trying to make it better than it could have been, and for trying to make it more than it was. you'll always be that one that got away, and i couldn't wish for you closer.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

Damn, i'm so sorry i told you I liked your band. I was underpressure, had too much to drink, no, fuck that. i just straight lied to you man. take it like it was meant. your band is awful. i'd rather listen to new country. sorry i was shifty about it. i should have just told you instead of being fake like everyone else. well fuck it i say, i'm no longer like them all. i just told you how it is..... in an email

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

Hey Geordie, it's been awhile. Hopefully you'll actually read thisunlike the last 4 emails, 2 pieces of certified post, and 1 skywritingescapade. I wanted to tell you first off, that i seem to be cured, andsecondly how truly sorry i am. If i had known she was your Aunt, iwouldn't have looked at her that way, i swear. I know, it may seemempty, considering what happened betwixt your sister and I, but youknow as well as I do that most cultures consider her extremeflexibility an open invitation to the carnal carnival. at any rate,i'm sorry, my doctor and my priest seemed to have cured me of myproblems. i hope to see you in church, please give my best (no notlike that.. again) to your mother Beatrice, she was/is a trulyoutperforming woman.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

I'm an apology addict. Case in point: one time I said "Oh my God, I'm so sorry" to a friend when I interrupted our conversation by sneezing. As I'm sure you're aware, this sorry-excuse for a "sorry" and others like it taint bigger, more serious "sorries." Luckily, I have come up with a solution to my problem. Instead of saying "sorry" after small mishaps or things beyond my control, which I have no buisness saying "sorry" for anyway, I now say, "kittens." You can't not smile when you either say or hear the word "kittens." Go ahead. Try it. You'll thank me later. (But if it doesn't work...kittens!)

--Claudia

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

I'm sorry that I told all of the deacons in the church that you were gay. I'm sure they already knew, but coming from your wife, man...that's confirmation.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

Terry, when we were both 12, you used to terrorize our neighborhood as the self-proclaimed Bully of 56th Street. Remember that? I sure do. And remember that day I'd had enough and decided to take a swing at ya to stop all the fighting? Yeah, well, I was 12 and less adept at face-punching than you were--if you'll recall, as I'm sure you do every day when you look in the mirror, instead of a nice clean pop on the cheek, I managed to just swipe your eyeball with my fingernail, leaving you with a bleeding, and very scratched cornea. I'm sorry about that, Terry. I really am. I wish to this day that I had actually clobbered you properly. It was my first punch, you see, and it's a missed opportunity that haunts me still. Seems to me that things were different after that. You calmed down a little, maybe you even moved away. I stopped noticing. But, I hope you learned your lesson that day, Terry. There were a lot of frightened little kiddies who dreaded that walk to the bus because of you and your reign of terror as the Bully of 56th Street. Anyway, I sure hope you're sorry.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

I'm sorry for lying every single day. I do it for work, in an attempt to fit in among the people with whom I am forced to network, but it makes my stomach drop every time. I hope it doesn't make me able to lie as easily in other areas of my life. So to all the people to whom I've said that I do or don't watch a particular show they want to talk about, or who have heard me acknowledge the greatness of a book I've never read, or to whom I've said the words, "I know; I just love Maroon 5!"--I'm sorry.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

sometime last month, but six years ago last month, you phoned me and i didn't return your call. it was my last chance to make a difference - a difference to you.

did you feel that no one would understand? did you think that i wasn't someone you could come to with your worries or saddness or frustrations about the way your life was working out? did you phone a lot of people that month or the months before and did none of them return your call? did any of them understand?

it's frightening to think that you were left alone with your choice and no one knew what you were going through. i am so thankful for the time that you spent in my life and i wish i would have let you know that. you helped me so much as my doctor but i didn't return the favour. if i'd have returned you call it might have made a difference, i could have returned the favour, and maybe you wouldn't have made the choice you did and end your life.

i'm still sorry, six years later, and i don't know how or when i'll learn to stop being sorry for something i might not have been able to change. it's the 'might' that torments me, and it's the 'might' that keeps me sorry.

Dear Betsey the chicken,

When we bought the farmhouse in 1993, all the otherbuildings on the property, including your chicken coop,became ours. Because the previous owners were unwillingshove you in a pet carrier for the long drive up to Vermont,you, like your coop, became ours. It must have been hard tobe passed onto our family, treated like the old tools leftin the barn. Although my mother, who rejoices in St Francis,would talk to you and pet you, I ignored you completely. Asa self-centered 13-year-old, I could only find it in myheart to hate you, and for this I apologize.

I was so embarrassed of you because, even though SouthWindsor, CT is a rural town, the “livestock” peopleowned were more along the lines of Golden Retrievers andbeta fish. Instead of rejoicing in your uniqueness as a pet,I thought having a chicken was “lame and stupid.” Whatdo we need a chicken for when there’s a Stop-and-Shop inthe town center?! I protested to my parents.

When the kids on the bus called me “Chicken Girl,” Ishould have defended you. But at the time all I did wasglare as I marched down the driveway before slamming thescreen door to the house.

I’m not sure if you knew, since you never saw the insideof the house, but I also refused to eat your eggs. Althoughmy mother swore they were the most delicious (and obviouslymost fresh) eggs that had ever touched Teflon, I would skewup my face at the thought of something that came from yourbutt.

Now, I know you were just living your chicken life the onlyway you could. You never did anything to purposely embarrassme and I’m sorry I not only rejected YOU, but the wholeidea of chickenness. And like the honorable beast you were,you went on laying a single egg every morning, never showingthe deep hurt I inflicted upon you.

So, Betsey, I’m sorry. I would give anything to watch youbobbing for grubs in our backyard or to hold one of yourbutt-warm eggs in my hands again. I hope you’ve got a nicecoop up in Heaven.

Love,
Catherine
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

I'm so sorry. I hit a squirrel on my way to work this morning. I was driving (not fast), it ran out into the road and I couldn't react in time to avoid it. The noise I heard was horrible. I looked in my rear view mirror, unbelievably it ran off the street to a bushy area. I couldn't go back, what would I do? I kept driving. I am sorry and I feel horrible. Yes, it was a squirrel - but a life just the same.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I am sorry that six years was too long for me to wait. You were only other person in that shit storm of a city to have plans and they were different from mine. They would have put us apart for six years; and that was more time than I could even fathom then. That Halloween, the first one we were apart, me in a new place, you left behind, I went to a party with Daniel because I liked him. It was confusing. He wasn't better than you, he was just there and you wouldn't be for such a long time, maybe not ever, really, because how could we know? I didn't believe in discussing the future then, and maybe that was a mistake. Maybe I was taking you too lightly, and I'm sorry for that too. It certainly wasn't about him. I wasn't fooled by his waxing poetic and childhood in Portugal. I had ten times more respect for your calloused hands and quiet fortitude. You never had a sob story to tell, and I don't think they make people as strong as you anymore. I never slept with him. Ever. Not even after you and I ended things over the phone. (And I'm sorry it was over the phone.) I'm sorry the next time I saw you I cried and you hugged me. And that I was so nervous to be near you again I ate the birdseed we never fed to the birds. I'm sorry I didn't give you money for the birdseed. It looked expensive. It tasted horrible.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

a pink balloon.

an old fashioned ice cream shop. a new friend. a different town.

there was no connection between them, except for the pink balloon.

i don't remember what color i picked out. i do remember the big mass ofcolor and light floating up until i could only squint to try and seethem.

i'm not sure how long i stared at that small, blank white card.

you could say anything.

what did i say? i said, "i'm sorry.

"for what? i don't know. for everything.

i am so attached to those two words. they are so attached to me. i'mnot sure i'll ever be able to let them go.

i could have told her anything. those were my last words. to her.

"i'm sorry."

for a split second, as i watched the plume of balloons slowly rising toeternal freedom, i felt my heart get lighter and higher. like theballoons.

those moments are rare.

i saw a pink balloon and it reminded me of her.

and that brief, rare moment i am always hoping will come back. nexttime i want to catch it and keep it in my pocket.

especially for those days when i don't see pink balloons.

I'm sorry that the same word I use about banana chocolate chip pancakes--"I love banana chocolate chip pancakes!"--is the only word I have at my disposal to describe how I feel about you.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

Mum,

I’m sorry I shouted at you.

I know that in my 32 years I have never shouted like that before.
I know that it was a simple misunderstanding that was quickly resolved.
I know that I apologised to you already

I still feel guilty about it.

I’m sorry I shouted at you.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I'm sorry that I couldn't find a way to communicate how I was feeling, that I couldn't find a way past your awkardness to speak to your heart. I'm sorry that the mistakes you made changed everything and ended this before it began. I'm sorry that you don't see why this happened but see this as my personal character flaws and accept no responsibility for your own issues and actions.

Blame no one.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

I'm sorry but I still think of my ex-lover when we are having sex.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

Dad, I'm sorry I took your Vicodin. I am weak.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I'm sorry that I let you talk to me that way.

I'm not sorry that I told your family you were dealing drugs and putting our kids in danger.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am sorry for getting so deep into drugs and cutting my wrists over and over, trying to escape. I am sorry that you ever thought my selfishness and immaturity was a reflection of your parenting. I am sorry that I made you suffer along with me as I hit rock bottom. I am sorry you ever thought that any part of it was your faults. I am sorry I don't have the balls to actually say these things out loud to you, but I don't think I can bear to make you cry ever again.

luv emily

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I am so sorry that I blew you off. I know you tried, but my feet were cold.
I am also sorry about the Ryan thing, I guess I was bored.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I'm sorry to myself that I ever met you.
Your apology is a broken, empty, time beaten statement that holds no sincerity or validity on account of your actions that followed after the declaration.
I hate you because I love you.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

i'm sorry i tried to care about you, because you obviously don't care about anyone or anything but yourself.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I'm sorry I didn't check up on you.
I'm sorry I didn't fight for your life.
I'm sorry I let them bury you alive.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

i'm sorry i didn't kiss you. that moment felt so right and i sat there thinking, "this, THIS, is what it's like to be in love with someone." it's different than i had expected, a whole new kind of passion and yet with the knowledge that i was completely and utterly safe to share my thoughts and ideas. that i could stay up hours upon hours, years upon years, talking with you and getting to know what you think about everything.

i want to know, and i want to share all this with you. you are everything and nothing that i knew i wanted. and i want to kiss you, again and again. and i wish i had because i have the sad feeling that i won't get the chance again -- but your heart belongs to another and i won't step over that line. i could deal with the rejection if it wasn't mutual, but i wouldn't want to put you in a place of awkwardness -- because i'd be even more sorry about that.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I am sorry for letting things get out of hand, for not choosing to know better, for thinking that things with you and me would work out and that your family would just go along and be ok with it. We were both niave.
Im sorry for all the hurt that we caused eachother, for me loving you and you not being able to deal with that because you didn't feel the same way, because of all the guilt you felt and the hate that you had for yourself.
I'm sorry to myself, for getting so lost in you and giving so much of myself and my love to you that I hardly knew me any more. And that you made me feel like I was so disgusting and undesirable. I hate that I let you do that to me, and made me feel that way. You were not a man! Im sorry that we stayed together so long, and that when I wanted to, I was not strong enough to end it with you and actaully mean it. I thought that I needed you more then I needed me. You hurt me for so long, were rude and blatently mean to me, when I would have given you everything, all of me and all you had to do was ask. But I know that even then, that would not have been enough for you. I hate that I am not over you yet, that I still think about you, and hope that I will see you on the train. You broke me, but I am putting myself back together and know that I will be better off with out you. I'm sorry that you were to blind to realise how great I was, and how great we really could have been together.

xSGx

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

I'm sorry that i let you hurt me time and again.
I'm sorry that i go running back to you every time you call.
I'm sorry for crying every time you ignore me.
I'm sorry for feeling the way i feel about you.
I'm sorry for telling the world about my feelings for you, via my blog.
I'm sorry that you made me feel safe from the first moment you put your arms around me.
But I'm not sorry for having met you, not at all.
It was one of the best days of my life, just like every other time i've see you.
I'm not sorry i waitied for an hour and a half on christmas day in the pouring rain to meet you, because you came eventually.
I'm not sorry for savouring the sweet nothings you whisper in my ear. Although they are nothing, they're amazing just because they came for you.
But i'm sorry for letting you do this to me.
I love you.

--- Bonnie

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

I need this to reflect a better truth.

Stepbrother.

After the police cautioned you to stop touching me, I still didn't feel safe. I told my teacher that you tried again to rub on me in the hallway. You didn't. No one believed you.
The police hit you in the privates with a phonebook.
You cried. I felt power.
Finally, you got to experience shame and injustice too.

HG

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I'm sorry I have to tell those "little white lies" but the ADD doesn't help much either.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

I'm sorry I'm not the person I wanted to be, and I'm sorry that I hate myself for feeling that way.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

I'm sorry your HMO doesn't cover that type of injury.
---Nathan

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

Stepbrother,
I am sorry that I lied to the police and said you were still abusing me.
It was only because the first time I spoke up and told the truth - you were not punished enough. For once I took power into my hands and made sure you got what you deserved. I know you know this and yet I am too ashamed to admit it. I had to convince myself you were evil in order to cause you so much pain.
--- Heroinegirl

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I'm sorry that I said "I love you" and didn't mean it.

---Harry Manning
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

I'm sorry for the way I treated you last year. You are my best friend and I really wish I had never done that at all.
I'm sorry I wasn't really the person you thought I was.
I'm sorry you didn't think of me when this happened.
I'm sorry I lied to you about everything.
I'm sorry I don't do my homework.
I'm sorry I followed you.
I'm sorry I am a fake.

--- Harry Manning
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

Person 1: I'm sorry for hooking up with your other ex-girlfriend after you broke up, and being the reason why she wouldn't get back with you. I'm sorry.

Person 2: I'm sorry for hooking up with your older sister. And also you younger sister. I'm sorry.

Person 3: I'm sorry for hooking up with your bestfriend and being the reason that you are now ex-bestfriends. I'm sorry.

Person 4: I'm sorry for letting you date my ex-girlfriend, and not telling you that she was a total psycho. I did that on purpose. I hope she didn't harm you in any way when you broke up with her, and if she did, I'm sorry.

I know we live a Melrose Place life, and although I cannot control this, I am still deeply sorry!

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

I'm sorry for stealing money from the UNICEF box and spending it on penny candies.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I'm sorry for all those parked cars I've dinged and then fled the scene like a little chicken because nobody saw it.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

I'm so sorry I had to pee. But I really had to pee. That reference to Niagra Falls didn't help any.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

Mom. I'm sorry you're dying and I can't do anything to stop it. You are my best friend and your brain tumor is killing me too. XO --- Deb

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I'm sorry I lied. But I was embarrassed. We went on a tour of Dundurn Castle with a group of cotton heads. We were in the cellar part of the building & my sour stomach produced a silent but deadly. My date exclaimed, lets get out of here fast, thats the worst smell I've ever experienced...I sheepishly agreed knowing full well, it was I.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

I also ran over a squirrel. I tried to swerve, but I was not successful. I watched it twitch in the rear view mirror. --- johnny maudlin

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I'm sorry for my past dating site addiction, I'm giving it all up for you. Please forgive me.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

I'm sorry for running down the hill so heavy on the feet in Algonquin Park a few years back.A little chipmunk ran under my foot and I squished him, he squirmed a bit first and then passed away. The German tourists behind me were digusted,gave me a "you murderer" look, picked the poor critter up with a stick and tossed it into the bush.My sorrowful nickname became, "chipmunk stomper" --- Tracey

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

I'm sorry for being partially responsible for the death of the cat in our care at the boarding facility establishment. We let him out for exercise on the premises but couldn't get him to return to his accomodation, so we water spray gunned him out of his hiding space to get him safely back into his room for the night. He died at the Vets the next day, "cardio Myopathy" I think we may have scared him to death. Please forgive me.
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

I'm sorry for stealing the antique sauce server adorned with a bunny when we broke up. It was your X-wife's and looks like its worth something. I didn't want you to have it because you were cheating with a woman 20 years younger than yourself from the office you work at. I will return it to your X in the New Year if I decide to become more religious. --- Tracey

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

I'm sorry that I gave up on you. I am too self absorbed to handle your drug problem anymore. I'm sorry you were born last and never had the "family" I did...and I'm sorry you think I'm a psycho...but the truth is you're the addict with a shit life and I am a sucessful busniesswoman because I was strong enough to resist all that bullshit that you have covered yourself in. I'm sorry but you're just going to have to figure it out on your own.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I REFUSE TO SAY I AM SORRY!
At the age of 65 yrs I have just now reached the age of reason and thoughtfulness.
Therefore I have 65 years of so many misdeeds, misspoke words and just plain stupid acts..
If I were to begin on my " sorries", the weight of which would place me on the ground with my nose in the dirt.
I CHOOSE INSTEAD TO MOVE FORWARD, NEVER MAKING THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE AND TO THINK BEFORE I ACT ON ANY EMOTION OR DEED.
There is no redemption for mistakes by me or soothing balm for those I have inadvertently hurt.
What goes around comes around and I think I have met all of them. --- Carrol
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/7/07*

I apologize to myself for dating those men. Those men that convinced me I couldn't live without them, that I wasn't good enough, that I was no one. I apoligize to myself for allowing that to happen, for letting one of them hit me, for not believing in myself enough to walk away in the beginning. I should have trusted my intuition. I should have listened to my friends. I am so sorry.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I'm sorry I spent your engagement ring money on scotch and Julie when I found out you cheated on me.
I'm sorry I lied.
It was just on scotch.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

I am sorry for pushing everyone away. If it's any consolation, I am hurting for it, just like my mom always said, goddammit.
--- Elizabeth

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

Mom, I'm so sorry I broke that pink glass bowl in 1972. I still remember how long you cried. It beloned to Grandma, you lost her when you were only 18....it was one of only a few things of hers you had left. I was so clumsy as a child and so much trouble. I want you to know it really hurt me to see you cry. It was an accident, and I was only 3 - unable to articulate a proper apology at the time - but I am so very sorry. Love, Kim
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

I am sorry for not saying that I loved you, but you were fucking someone else so I didn't see the point.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I am sorry for being so utterly and truly myself that, in fact, I wasn't really myself at all. Or was I? --- Anna-Lisa

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I'm sorry that I peed in your coffee, even though it was your fault for being such a douche bag.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I am not sorry for hurting you, you deserve everything that is coming to you.
I am not sorry for leaving you.
I am not sorry for not loving you anymore.
I am not sorry for breaking up this family.
I am not sorry for being gay.
I am not sorry for demanding what I deserve.
I am not sorry for giving you what you deserve.
I am not sorry for being indifferent to you.
I am not sorry for being spontaneous, disorganized, extravagant, lavish etc.
I am not sorry for being me.
I am not sorry for cutting my hair.
I am not sorry for being fat.
I am not sorry for earning money.
I am not sorry for thinking of myself first.
I am not sorry for thinking of whomever I want to think of and in the order I've chosen.
I am not sorry for not going to church.
--- Cynthia

I am sorry for eating fast food more than once a month.
I am sorry for feeding my children fast food more than once a month...
*Read at The Apologies show on 4/6/07*

I am not sorry for the years I spent with you, but will be sorry for all the years to come if I stay. --- Cynthia

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I'm sorry I forget your birthday EVERY SINGLE YEAR.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I'm sorry for accusing you of crank-calling me.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

I'm sorry for calling the cops on my own party. I'm sorry for pretending I was sober in front of the cops when you were the sober one.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

I'm sorry for drinking too much and forgetting that we slept together.

*Read at The Apologies show on 4/5/07*

I'm sorry for having brought you into that crazy family with those crazy kids.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I'm sorry I hit you in the arm with my bag as I was getting off the subway this morning and you were standing in my way waiting to get on. I did it on purpose.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

I'm sorry I went on five dates with you, liked you, acted like I liked you, and then stopped calling you. I couldn't handle my family issues plus stress at work plus an angry email from you assuming that I hadn't called in a couple of days because I didn't like you anymore. I didn't call you even though you emailed me and demanded that I call you. I hope you are okay and I hope I never do that to anyone again, which is why I stopped online dating.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I am so sorry for creating that fake e-mail of Jon Favreau's andsending it to you as if it were really him. You told me over andover how happy you were that he was writing you after all of theseyears. The charade went on for a few months and I never told you thatI was the one behind it all. I am so very sorry for that.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

I am sorry I haven't dumped you yet. I'm in love with someone else, and I sleep with her regularly.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*

I'm sorry for making fun of your acting career. I should realize that being an extra in "We Are Marshall" is a big step forward. And I am sorry for not thinking your white hair and black eyebrows are sexy. --- Jim

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

Sorry for wishing you were dead.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I am sorry for selling my grandfather's ring at a pawn store and telling my family it was stolen.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/31/07*

I'm sorry I took away your favorite squeaky toy.

*Read during The Apologies show on 3/29/07*

I'm So Sorry

Have you ever needed to say "I'm sorry" and just didn't know how - or the right moment seemed to slip away? Well, here is your chance to air your apologies. They will be read in March at the theater Under St. Mark's in NYC. They might fall on intended ears (if you're lucky / unlucky) or they may simply breathe in the night air. Regardless, you are one step closer in the right direction. So post your apologies - silly or severe. Then, one night in March, in no particular order, they will be heard.

You can submit your apology below in the comment section or email your apology to:

TheApologyBlog@gmail.com

I will Post them above.