I'm sorry for calling the cops on my own party. I'm sorry for pretending I was sober in front of the cops when you were the sober one.
*Read during The Apologies show on 3/30/07*
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Have you ever needed to say "I'm sorry" and just didn't know how - or the right moment seemed to slip away? Here is your chance to air your apologies.
I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact and was in no way fair comment and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future. --- Archie
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